In July 2004, I had my first appointment with a reproductive specialist to help us figure out why we weren't getting pregnant. One of the things I was told was that I had elevated prolactin levels. So off to Dr. Google I went... in search of learning anything I could about it. I stumbled across a forum of message boards for women who were in all the various phases of their fertility, from trying to get pregnant, to being pregnant, and those suffering from infertility. I quickly joined to be able to share my journey with others in my shoes. It was probably the best thing I have ever done. Seriously.
Over the past five and a half years, I have become "internet friends" with so many women from all across the world. I have met two women in person, talked to several others on the phone, emailed many, and sent and received things in the mail with so many others. Countless women have provided me support in my lowest moments, from failed IVF cycles, to losing my son. They've cheered me on through my cycles, through my pregnancies, and all the waiting that has entailed. "Waiting" can do a real number on your psyche, by the way. Waiting to ovulate, waiting to test, waiting for an ultrasound, waiting for birth. And waiting to try again, when you feel all hope has been lost.
Some of these women became pregnant about the time I did, or had their babies while I was pregnant with Thomas. They were so excited for me, because you are always so thrilled when someone who has been suffering from infertility for five years finally gets to see their first positive pregnancy test! My biggest supporters were women who also had been suffering from infertility. But when Thomas' birth defect was diagnosed, I know that it wasn't just me and my family that was crushed. These women on the internet were, too. And after he died, the number of condolences that poured in was pretty amazing. They had been there with me through every step that Thomas made in my life. And to lose him was like losing a member of an extended family.
So ever since I became pregnant with these two girls, I've had my hand held online. The support, the prayers, the good thoughts -- they have been constant. These women want happiness visited upon my household like nothing they have ever wished for. It is truly humbling.
This fall, I got a message from one of the ladies who got pregnant with her daughter a month before I did with Thomas. We supported each other through all of our symptoms, the good stuff and the bad, in a small pregnancy forum. Shelia almost lost her baby too early, and if her opening cervix hadn't been caught on that particular day, her daughter would have been born too early to live. She went on hospital bedrest and did not have an easy pregnancy. Her daughter was born two months early, and spent quite some time in the NICU. So Shelia understood what it was like for us to be at the hospital each day visiting Thomas. And when we lost our son, she knew it echoed the fears she had of losing her daughter.
The message Shelia sent me was that she was planning to visit the Kansas City area with her husband and daughter in December, and would like to meet up. This would be the third time we would try to get together, so we were excited about it. Then she asked if she could give me some of her daughter's things. She said she had all of her six months clothing that she had grown out of, would I be interested? I said, of course! I also felt that maybe it would make this pregnancy seem more real to me, to be actually handling little girl clothes.
On December 9, a very snowy day here, I met Shelia, Bert, and Amanda at a local restaurant for lunch. Bert had driven their truck up from Florida that previous weekend, while Shelia and her daughter flew in. Weather-wise, they could have had a better week as it was brutally cold and very snowy! But they were here to visit their families before the holidays, and nothing could dampen their spirits. Amanda was a really delightful child, so well-behaved, and quite clearly the joy of her parents. Quite coincidentally, she was wearing a butterfly-printed shirt!
After lunch, Bert proceeded to carry over to my truck item after item! First it was useful things like a walker, jumperoo, and excersaucer! Then it was boxes and bags of clothing! Shelia had also thrown in some nine month clothing that Amanda had grown out of since the early fall. I was stunned by the seating things and all the containers.
We hugged each other farewell, then headed off in our own directions. As soon as I was home, I brought in each item and set them carefully in the living room. Tim was on a business trip, and I wanted to photograph the stuff to email him. I started laying out all the clothes in different piles: onesies, sleepers, dresses, pants, shorts, etc. There were sneakers and socks. And so many cute little two-piece outfits. And tons and tons of blankets and embellished burp cloths. I was so amazed and overwhelmed. I set up the seating items and felt so grateful for their generousity! Everything was practically new. (You can click on the images to enlarge.)

When I had talked with Shelia, she admitted that she just had felt so touched by our experience with Thomas, that she had been wanting to help in any way she could. Well I can tell you, I don't think we need any more six month clothing!! You can tell Amanda is quite as well loved as our Thomas was!
I did take quite a few close-up photos, but here is one of the couch with everything in their piles:

Two days later, a package arrived in the mail for me. This was from my friend Christina, one of my oldest friends on the forum. She has posted many times on Thomas' CarePages, and is the one who named a star for Thomas, after he died. Christina was expecting twin girls, due on April 6th (!) when I finally got my positive pregnancy test with Thomas. I was the last girl in our little group to get pregnant. What a relief it was! Her babies were born within days of my test.
Christina wanted to send me some clothing for our girls. She remembered the early days of life with twins! She suggested sending onesies and sleepers, the things infants basically live in when first born. So I said, yes, please! But I didn't want her to send too much. She had already given away most of the clothes, yet was able to send some cute dresses which (remarkably) match pretty closely some of the dresses that Shelia had sent. So it will be nice to have similar clothes to dress the girls in from time to time. One of the dresses is covered in beautiful pastel butterflies! I think it is my favorite item! Most useful of all, though, were the sleeper gowns and onesies in newborn to three month sizes.

After Tim returned home and saw all the beautiful (and very pink!) clothes, I sorted them into boxes for later months, and took the smaller items, newborn or 0 months to 3 months, and placed them in the armoire and dresser in the nursery. I even sorted Thomas' clothes, and stored them with the others, or kept them in the nursery, depending on their size. Although I washed some items, I will wait until March to wash everything the way you are supposed to for babies.
So if you ever come over to visit, be sure to ask to see the babies' clothes! It can be fun to see them hanging in the armoire or folded up in the drawers.
Next post: Christmas gifts for the girls!