How far along are you?

When people ask me how far along I am, I can tell them pretty quickly how many weeks, since that is how pregnant women, doctors, nurses, and pregnancy web sites measure it. But mostly, everyone wants to know: How many months is that?

So to help you out, you can now use this chart to do your own calculating!
So I am near the end of my fifth month, since I am in my 21st week.

Baby kicks

I have been eagerly awaiting the day when I will feel baby kicking inside, and know without a doubt, that it is baby. A first time mother-to-be feels this movement much later than others who have been through it before and know what it is like. I read that I should expect to feel baby's kicks as late as 22 weeks, so I haven't been worried about it. When you've seen your baby squirming around in utero on the "big screen", it gives you patience.

[When pregnant, you are sometimes offered unsolicited advice. I was at a family party at 16w2d when asked about baby movement. When I repeated the above info, I was firmly told by someone who last had a baby over 40 years ago, "No, you should be feeling the baby now." This is when you learn to just smile and change the subject.]

I think I first felt baby move on June 23 (17w4d), the day before we flew back to the East Coast to visit family. I was at the kitchen sink, and felt something like a small tap. Very brief, not repeated, but definitely not one of my ligament pulls or a gas bubble in my stomach. (Or as Scrooge told Marley, "You may be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese.")

Two days later, I again felt a very small tap, deep inside, that I wasn't sure about and guessed could be baby. But it was the last tap I felt for a week, when there again was another something, like a tiny finger wiping at my insides briefly. But with everything getting crunched up inside as the uterus has expanded, who really knew? In the last few days, I would say to Tim, "well I might have just felt baby," and touch Tim's arm with the briefest of touches to describe the feeling. Each of these odd taps would be so brief that I wouldn't notice it until it was gone, and each was never repeated.

But today! Three or four hard kicks in one area! Someone was definitely saying hello! I was lying on my left side on the couch in the office, getting ready to take a nap after lunch, when I felt the movement. Oh this was baby firmly kicking! (The ultrasound technician warned me baby's legs were up by his head, and in prime kicking position!) I felt them one after another in the same area, on the left side of the uterus. Maybe baby was feeling a little squished and pushing himself into a roomier position.

All I could do was smile a big contented smile, knowing baby was there, doing well inside my pregnant belly.

Baby's broken heart

We had our week 20 "big" ultrasound yesterday; Tim came with me to see how the baby was doing. It was so fun to see all the bones in place, count the fingers and toes, and close our eyes when the technician scanned "down there". (She said the baby's legs were closed, so we don't even know if she saw anything.)

But when she went off to get Dr. Lu to do his routine check on the u/s, what had seemed routine soon became obvious was not. Dr. Lu spent about ten minutes scanning the baby's heart. I finally asked him what he was looking for, and he said he was having a hard time looking for something, the baby's arm was blocking one view.

We got a few stats during the scan, and the tech also videotaped a few minutes showing the various body parts. We got to hear Baby's heartbeat at 131 beats per minute, baby weighs 14 ounces, the placenta is far away from the cervix (a good thing), the umbilical cord has all three veins and arteries it needs and looked good, there was plenty of amniotic fluid, placenta was a good size, and baby was moving around. Baby is measuring at 21 weeks, so a week ahead, which means baby is strong and healthy otherwise.

Dr. Lu asked us to come back to his office to explain what he saw and what he did not see. He immediately told us that he believes the baby has a heart defect. He said that he could not find a fourth chamber of the heart, and that the way the blood was flowing indicated it was not flowing normally. (On the u/s, we saw a mix of red and blue flowing together like in a cloud.) He explained that it appeared the baby has "hypoplastic left heart", a Congenital Heart Defect (CHD).

From what we read online, it appears that our baby will require open heart surgery within the first week of life, the first of perhaps three surgeries by the age of four. So sadly, we will not be able to bring our baby home with us after birth. The baby will probably have difficulty breast feeding, and I am saddened with knowing this, that our bonding time will be so disrupted.

Tim and I will need to return to the office on Wednesday, 6 August, for a fetal echocardiogram. A pediatric cardiologist will run a new scan of the baby's heart to determine the severity of the defect and confirm the diagnosis. The doctor is the chief of the cardiology department at Children's Mercy Hospital, which was ranked number ten in the nation in 2003. Our baby should be in good hands.

Dr. Lu also mentioned one other thing that shook us both. Having a heart defect is a symptom of a chromosonal disorder, "DiGeorge Syndrome." He probably mentioned it because he has to. But it is like this analogy: all apples are fruit, but not all fruit are apples. So every baby with DiGeorge Syndrome has a heart defect, but not all babies with heart defects have this disorder. When you think of the statistics on babies being born, there are almost 1:100 with CHD. The prevalence of DiGeorge syndrome is debated; the estimates range from 1:4000 to 1:6395.

Tim and I spent the afternoon in a daze. Just the night before we were joking about the baby registry and he was urging me to make a decision on what color paint to use on the nursery walls so he could finish that task. The pure joy of our smooth pregnancy was still intact. Now here we were, making phone calls to family members and coping with the bad news we uncovered on the Internet.

This fetal echocardiogram will be scheduled for the day before we leave for our week in Michigan. The baby shower is three days later. Although it seems like the shower should be canceled, Tim and I decided we would prefer to have the shower. One of my internet friends who was expecting twins, but whose son only had two of the veins and arteries in his umbilical cord, shared her experience, "We also had to go to our shower out of state on a Saturday knowing Monday's u/s would be our big day to find out if anything was going on with our boy. It was a good weekend and we were able to get it off of our minds and focus on the wonderful gifts everyone had bought for our new family members." It is through other people's experiences that we learn how to cope and deal with our situation.

Another internet friend has created this blog for her family: Rebecca's son Jasper's heart journey. She is due six days before our baby, and her son Jasper has also been diagnosed with a CHD. By writing to each other, we help each other out.

As I've mentioned before, our next door neighbor is due about three weeks ahead of me. She had her big scan Thursday, too. She called me before she left to see how mine was, and of course, I could not bear to answer the phone. She called again that evening, and this time I told her what happened. I didn't want to worry her during her own scan.

Well she told her husband who came over and rang our bell. Can you believe this? His fourth daughter was born in 1982 and was the tenth baby in the world to have the shunt installed right after birth, with all the follow up surgeries until age 13 (which they told her father was now being done to 4 year olds). She was born with the same CHD that our baby has preliminarily been diagnosed with! His words were so reassuring on such a bleak day. The daughter is now 26 and he says she is the kindest person due to her experience. He said she does get the flu more often than other people, but otherwise is very healthy. He told his daughter to live as full a life as she wanted to, but not to run in any marathons! He wanted to let us know so that we could have some hope at this time. He also added that he bonded with his baby daughter in the hospital by letting her hold on to his pinky. She knew it was his and not a nurse's and felt much calmer.

After living with the diagnosis for 24 hours, I called Dr. Lu with a few questions and went over the answers with Tim. I asked Dr. Lu if he saw anything else during the scan that would seem to indicate our baby might test positive for "DiGeorge Syndrome" and he said no, it was simply having a heart defect that caused him to mention it. I asked if a 3D scan of the baby's face would help us to recognize any facial disfigurements that would indicate a chromosonal disorder, and he said that the doctors don't find 3D ultrasounds to be helpful in diagnosing facial features. Scans are more useful after 27 weeks, when a baby's face has more fat and liquid in the tissues, which helps to plump out the facial features. For example, he stated that 3D ultrasounds only pick up 10% of all cleft palates prior to birth. I asked him about the rates of miscarriage for performing an amniocentesis at their clinic. (The national average is 1:300.) He said that they average between 1:400 and 1:500, but that complications arise in 1:200. They perform several amnios per week and are quite experienced with them. If I was to do an amnio, I would need to speak with a genetic counselor beforehand who would discuss the information that would be found and the rates of false negatives, etc.

Since Tim and I wouldn't be terminating the pregnancy, it seems pointless to us to risk a miscarriage, even though the rates are much better than nationally. And the odds of just having a CHD and not the Syndrome are in our favor. So for now, we have chosen to wait until the later stages of the pregnancy and request a 3D scan then to look at the facial features, then go with an amnio if we see something suspect. If a baby is born after 35 weeks, it has a much better chance at being fully formed and healthy.

In the meantime, we choose to believe our baby's path in life will follow that of the healthy daughter of our next door neighbor.

New vehicle buying

Yesterday, my 1994 Ford Explorer didn't pass inspection. June is the month we need to renew our registrations, so all three vehicles are up for inspections and renewals. Tim has talked about us trading in my Exporer and our 1996 BMW convertible for a new "mommy" vehicle for me. Well, when I was told it would cost $600 to repair the damaged ball bearing in the front left axle, I realized that yes, it probably is time. But I haven't been happy about it. I love my old truck. Its great for hauling tall Christmas trees (inside!), furniture, plants, lumber, garbage, etc.

So I asked a message board of other women who are expecting babies in November: "If buying a new vehicle, what kind?" The replies were great, and reading them, I actually got excited about shopping for a new vehicle.

Here were their suggestions, and helpfully, many of them posted their gasoline MPG consumption! Something that will definitely be on our minds when making a purchase this year.

• 2006 Mitsubishi Lancer Ralliart
  
• 2004 Toyota RAV 4
  
• Honda Odyssey
  
• Subaru WRX
  
• Hyundai Santa Fe
  
• Toyota Prius
  
• 2007 Mazda Sport 6
  
• Taurus X
  
• 2007 Ford Escape Hybrid
  
• 2008 Toyota Highlander Hybrid
  
• Saturn Vue
  
• 2003 Honda CRV with AWD

We will probably need to buy a car seat next, then bring it around with us when we go vehicle shopping to make sure it fits.

If any of you have suggestions, I'd be happy to hear them!

Baby Bassinet

On my way to my prenatal yoga class last week, I drove through the back roads to get there. A house I went past had a bunch of furniture and junk in front, including a lovely, modern baby bassinet! I was running late, so all I could do was stop and back up and take a quick look at it. It looked like it was in great shape, plus the colors were green and cream.

I told the ladies in the class, and they all said I should definitely take it, if it was still there on my way home. So I did!

I brought it home, and examined it. The bassinet had only a little soiling under the mattress and was missing the soft animals that hang from the mobile. I saw that it was made by Simplicity and googled it. It retails at Babies 'R Us for $99.99! It is the Simplicity Providence Bassinet. I washed all the bedding with bleach and detergent, and washed down the frame with a bleach spray, rinsed with soapy water, then hosed it down. I added new batteries for the mobile system, which controls a night light, music, rotating mobile, vibrating pad, and strobe lights. They all work great.

After putting it all back together, it looked brand new. Even Tim was impressed, after being somewhat sceptical about my "dumpster dive" prize! The only things missing are a remote control (for the lights etc.), the three mobile animals, and a harness to put under the parents' mattress, to hug the bassinet in close at night, for co-sleeping. All these parts are available from Simplicity, at fairly cheap prices. Their customer service department even emailed me the instruction manual.

The bassinet has about 9" of height options (it is shown in lowest position above), a side that drops down, so you can use it for changing diapers or for co-sleeping, a three-pocket "basket" on the bottom to hold diapers or other items, and a cloth pocket along the front for a bottle or toys. The hood is collapsable and removable, as is the mobile arm. It comes on wheels, so it is easy to roll from room to room. And the wheels pop up to turn it into a rocker.

So now we've saved about $100 and have a piece of baby furniture in our home! It made me smile every time I walked in the bedroom and saw it there against the window. But now we've moved it downstairs and covered it up in a sheet, to wait for until it is needed!

First baby gift! (Nursery theme?)

When "Ama and Papa" Daily were here to visit us in May, Mary Anne (Ama) and I went to the Antique Mall downtown. There she found a hardcover copy of The Classic Tales of Beatrix Potter - The Complete Adventures of Peter Rabbit and Friends. She asked me if she could buy it as a gift for the baby, and I enthusiastically said, "Yes!"

When my first nephew was born, I used to purchase the individual little books from the adventures and give them as gifts. I loved looking at the brightly colored watercolors showing little animals in their homes and gardens. So I was very happy to have the stories to read to my little one someday.

I actually started reading the book that night, and I've read most of it now. But I have to say, some of the stories are really unusual. They don't "protect the sensibilities" of young children! Take the Tale of Jemima Puddle-Duck, for example. Here is a duck that wants to set on her own eggs, so goes off and lays them in the shed that a fox lets her use. A dog hears about this, and knows that the future ducklings are at risk from the fox, so rounds up two of his canine pals to run the fox off. But one of the pals eats the eggs himself! Yikes!!

If you look at the wallpaper borders posted previously, you will see how the little rabbits wear waistcoats or ribbons, just like the Cottontail family. I think the bunnies are very cute! So now the theme is coming together: a rabbit chandelier, maybe some bunny wallpaper, a Beatrix Potter book...

With all this in mind, I did a search for Beatrix Potter bedding and have found a maker of quilts online at Swedish Baby Quilts, located in Arkansas. I asked them to send me some fabric swatches which I received on Friday. I taped them to a piece of paper and taped the paper up on the wall beside our paint swatch. So this is how our nursery wall is looking today! (Click on pic to zoom in.)

Week 15 ultrasound

I went in for my monthly prenatal appointment today and was pleasantly surprised when the student intern nurse practioner offered to do a quick "peek" by sonogram of the baby. They have these little portable sonograms in the exam rooms, and that is what she used, rather than the large one the ultrasound technician used last time.

So I got to see the little baby. His head (pictured on the right on screen) is actually to the left of and below my belly button, his feet to the right. He was lying peacefully sidweways. (I use "he" not "it" when talking about the baby, but don't know if the baby is a boy or girl.) She showed me his spine, so his bones are definitely forming now. We could see the heartbeat, but more faintly since this ultrasound is from above, on top of my belly, not from inside. I saw the face, but that wasn't too clear either. The little toes were touching each other, so baby looks like he is pigeon-toed like me!

I asked her if we could use a doppler to listen to the baby's heartbeat. She pulled out what looks like a little hand held radio (you can Google "stork radio" to see what it looks like) and squirted more goo on my pelvis. We heard my heartbeat, which is the echo of the flow of blood as it rushes through the arteries. It took some time for her to locate the baby's heartbeat ("well at least we saw it beating a minute ago, so we don't need to panic" she said lightly). She had to push down hard to locate it. It was so wonderful to hear for the first time! It is just so neat to hear something from the baby, not just see the pictures.

I lost a little weight from last time, but I am up and down every day. Tuesday, I weighed two-and-a-half more pounds than I do today. And today I weigh just four-and-a-half pounds more than the day we found out I was pregnant. This is all good. (You tend to gain weight if you don't drink enough water, because your body starts to retain it, and you bloat!! I'm not always good about drinking my 60 or 80 ounces.)

I'm also religiously using something called "BioOil" on my torso to help prevent stretch marks. If it helps even a little bit, that is good enough. So far, I have heard only one physical benefit to becoming pregnant after 40 years: older women don't get as many stretch marks as younger women!

My next OB appointment is July 10th, at 20 weeks, since I will be out of town and couldn't make an earlier appointment. But the main nurse practioner said that is good, they can see more developed at that time, anyway.